~ A simple & practical exercise to get you back on track ~
Look at your life.
Pull apart all the aspects.
Note:
- How you spend your time over the days, weeks, months, years.
- Who you spend your time with.
- What you do – both when you are alone and with others.
- How intentionally you spend your time
Now:
- Write a list: Write in order from most to least, what you spend your time doing and who with (whether alone or with others).
Then: Look at your top 5 activities. The ones you spend most of your time on. Attach a value to each of them, based on your true intention AND energy behind doing them.
For example:
Your number 1 is work.
What’s your main intention behind work?
What energy is backing you as you work? Love? Resentment? Fear? Maybe there’s a few intentions and energies here. Maybe its financial but it’s also to be of service to others in a meaningful way.
Look at the next one. Maybe it’s time with family/caring roles. What’s your true intention and energy here? I’m sure it’s a mix of love and burden.
Continue as you go down your list. Do as many as you like.
Have you noticed a pattern yet?
Our values are reflected in the way we live and what we prioritise in our lives. If you are looking at this list feeling like most of it is just ‘shit I have to do and can’t get out of’ look again. Pull it apart further.
Maybe you have some resentment around work. Underneath that may be a value for financial security. Ask yourself, is there some way I could bring financial security for myself in a way that serves and fulfills me better? Maybe putting the steps in place for a job that you really love? Find out what you really want and make goals you can gradually achieve over time.
Maybe you feel overburdened by the responsibility for your family. Underneath that may be a value for a close, connected and harmonious family unit. Maybe you’ve been carrying this burden alone for too long and you need more support in making this value come to its full aliveness. List the ways you may be able to get support and how you could re-arrange the puzzle pieces of this delicately balanced life.
Maybe you are trying to lose weight but use food to self-soothe. Underneath that may be the value of feeling good in yourself, good in your body and your feelings. Find a way that supports this good feeling better, rather than feeds the vicious cycle of emotional dysregulation, unhealthy habits to regulate and the shame and self-frustration that comes with this pattern. What else makes you feel soothed, nurtured and cared for? Self-care has certainly become a hot topic in recent years, and for good reason. Self-care is an act of self-love. By caring for yourself you are training your mind, body and nervous system to trust that you will look after you. You will choose healthy habits over harmful ones because you really want what is best for you. Seek this from within before trying to seek it from without. Often it won’t come to us in a true way if we haven’t fulfilled this from within first. Learn how you need to be looked after and do that, getting external support where needed. You know yourself best, and when you look after yourself well, others will know how to look after you well too!
Maybe you are trying to feel less anxious and sleep better at night but you have a habit of doom scrolling or binge watching right before bed. Under this is the value of having your nervous system feeling centred and calm, but you are yet to develop the skills and tools to do this, so avoidance of anxious feelings through doom scrolling and binge watching is easier. Connecting to others’ lives on social media and TV is also a way of co-regulating, especially when we are so isolated. Building a community of loving supportive people in our lives is a way to help us with that, as well as building a loving space for ourselves within ourselves. This will also make doom scrolling and binge watching much less appealing as other forms of co and self-regulation is much more fulfilling!
Whatever your list says, there are ways to manoeuvre things in our lives to make them more aligned with our true values. Our values can be hidden in our lives and if you are sick of living in a way that doesn’t feel ‘right’ or playing out the same patterns over and over, it’s time to uncover what is actually valuable to you and how you can really bring that to life!
To learn more about how to do this, book an appointment with me now!
